Moving is hard, even when you live in a cardboard box. Thank goodness there are movies.
The Exorcist (1973)
This year marks the 50th anniversary of The Exorcist, a film that laid a lot of groundwork for modern horror movies. With a cinema near me playing the film to honor the anniversary, I felt it was time to cross this classic off my backlog. I also wanted some reference material for when I eventually saw Exorcist: The Believer. As always with these classic films, I instantly recognized moments I have seen parodied in other films, looking at you, Scary Movie 2. Yet I was thoroughly impressed by how patiently the film paced itself. Yes, there are plenty of scenes of Regan being creepy, but it is immediately followed by a concerned priest or doctors completely dumbfounded by the situation. It is such a shame most horror filmmakers learned the wrong lessons; The Exorcist is remembered for its superb pacing, not its gore and effects.
The Witch (2015)
Thankfully, I feel like Robert Eggers was one of the few who learned that lesson. The Witch, much like The Exorcist, is a slow burn about a family in 1630s New England struggling to survive. As misfortune befalls the family, rumors of a witch stalking them in the nearby woods begin to grip the family in terror. Mistrust is sown amongst the family until tension boils over. If you are looking for a haunting tale to watch while cowering under a blanket at 2 AM, then I highly recommend The Witch.
When Evil Lurks
The wildcard of the month. With the movie being entirely in Spanish with only English subtitles, I was a bit unsure if When Evil Lurks would be able to draw me in. I honestly read at a glacial speed; I have no doubt there are young children who probably read faster than me. As a result, when English subtitles move too fast I am reminded I am just a guy sitting in a movie theater instead of getting immersed in the film’s world. Thankfully When Evil Lurks is a horror movie relying on its dark visuals rather than a whirlwind of dialogue. In a small village in Argentina, brothers Pedro and Jimmy discover a man pregnant with a demon. Fearing the birth of the demon, the brothers attempt to dispose of the man, but this only worsens the situation. When Evil Lurks feels like the love child of The Exorcist and Silent Hill. If you were itching to see The Exorcist: Believer, you should honestly check out this film instead.
The Royal Hotel
I went into the Royal Hotel hoping it would be similar to Get Out, a movie that excels at showing a different life perspective while being a terrifying horror film. Royal Hotel is about two Canadian girls, on vacation in Australia who run out of money. In order to continue their vacation, they take jobs at a bar in the middle of nowhere. Prime opportunity to put us in the shoes of girls frightened by drunk locals. Unfortunately, I think my expectations were in the wrong place. I certainly wouldn’t want to go through what the girls went through, this is more of a drama piece rather than horror. It’s not bad, but I wanted something more frightening than grounded.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Another anniversary celebration as House of 1000 Corpses turned twenty this year. This time for Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses. A horror movie in the vein of Texas Chainsaw Massacre as a group of young adults stumble upon a murderous family in the backwaters of Texas. I will admit the film is more goofy than scary, but I feel that’s part of its charm. Captain Spaulding had me grinning from ear to ear and it wouldn’t surprise me if the Firefly family inspired the Bakers in Resident Evil 7. All in all, it is a fun campy horror film for those who enjoy the silliness of Halloween rather than the heart-pumping fear.
The Fall of the House of Usher
I see you hooligans getting all worked up. Doomsayer watched The Fall of the House of Usher, surely he’ll watch this three-hundred-episode series that I love. Unless Mike Flanagan is directing it, I am not interested. Why, you ask? Mike Flanagan has this uncanny skill to take a horror property and remix it so it feels both fresh and authentic to the original. Today on the chopping block are numerous poems from Edgar Allen Poe. With the poem The Fall of the House of Usher serving as the show’s overarching plot, Flanagan crafts the deaths of all the members of the Usher family based on other Poe poems including Black Cat, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Pit and the Pendulum, and many others. I wish this show was around when I read Poe in seventh grade; I would have given Poe more of a chance, unlike my angsty thirteen-year-old self.
Under the Skin (2013)
A ten-year-old art house film most well known for getting Scarlett Johansson to be the leading lady. With minimal dialogue, the film has Johnanson drive around Ireland, pick up men, and lead them to her apartment. From there the men fall into this silver goo where their organs are harvested. However, halfway through Johansson feels guilty over trying to capture a disabled man, and runs away from the whole operation. Lost in a hostile world, Johansson’s character has gone from predator to prey. Leaving the theater unsure of what I was supposed to take away from the film, I did some digging. I learned the film is based on a book about trying to sympathize with a very unsympathetic character. I can’t really say I felt for Johansson’s character overall. The film tries to be minimalist with very little dialogue so it feels very hard to feel something for Johansson’s character. Kinda feels like Under the Skin missed the mark from the source material.
Flashback
A short snacky piece I found on Netflix of all places. After her boyfriend is killed in a home invasion, a yoga instructor uses breathing techniques to go back in time to try to save her boyfriend. It is very much in the vein of those homemade horror videos you find on YouTube. My biggest complaint was that the sixteen-minute run time was not enough time to explore all the concepts that they wanted to explore. A criticism I lay squarely at the feet of Netflix. I know you have the funds to help these creators create something amazing. If this is some sick game to see if creators can make movies without a budget, it isn’t funny. PAY CREATIVES!!! I better see Flashback 2 in your menus in a year or two.
Soul Mates
The trailer sold me on this one. A pair matched through a dating app have to survive Saw-like puzzles potentially strengthening or weakening their bond. An interesting idea that I am sure will be copied in Saw 11. Unfortunately, Soul Mates leans a little too hard into the dating gimmick. One of the so-called traps is a karaoke event where they need to sing their partner’s favorite song or one of their family members gets sniped. It was desperately missing that Jigsaw charm that the Saw movies have marinated in for the past few years. If Jigsaw was in charge of this trap, he would have speakers planted in the family house that would cause them to go deaf if he deemed the singing inadequate. Probably better to skip this one and wait for the Saw sequel that does this concept right.
Malibu Horror Story
The perfect evaluation of the found footage film. The movie starts with a film crew making a documentary about a mysterious disappearance. After the team fails to communicate with one of the ghosts, they review their cut of the documentary created so far. Here we get the story of four High schoolers who venture into the mountains of Malibu and disappear. We get cuts of found footage of the teens beginning to be haunted by the Native American spirits who died in the mountains before the film crew is attacked by the same spirits. This setup is brilliant because it uses enough found footage to hook us. The found footage has enough room to breathe and create suspense but doesn’t have it fill the dead air. Meaning there is minimal time when the camera is staring at the ground. It also allows the film to have a more traditional finale rather than twenty minutes of unwatchable shaky cam footage. If you are a fan of found footage, I highly recommend Malibu Horror Story.
The Exorcist: Believer
Blumhouse, I beg of you to stop giving David Gorden Green and his team money. This team made a two-hour Halloween movie where Michael Myers has about twenty minutes of screen time. Green and his team do not know what they are doing, and it shows with The Exorcist: Believer. This is plagued with cheap jump scares and buckets of fake blood. The movie is filled with too many half-baked ideas like the father having to choose which girl to save or different religions having their own rituals for exorcisms. However, none of these ideas are fleshed out. The father doesn’t have to choose which girl to save and the religions work together as if there isn’t historical tension between them. The film also wastes way too much time with a subplot involving Chris MacNeil for purely nostalgia bait. Overall, this film is just plain boring and Blumhouse should require Green to direct his own original movie before being allowed to plunder more horror IP.