This article originally ran under a different banner/website in November of 2020 and is now being here re-uploaded for purposes of convenience and consolidation. Please enjoy.
It was a crisp fall day. I could be found in my typical spot: hunched over my computer trying to determine what game to play next. As my eyes scrolled disinterestedly through my Steam library, something outside my window caught my eye. A white rabbit perched in my backyard staring straight at me. His eyes locked with mine for a solid minute before he ran out of vision. I felt the uncontrollable urge to follow the rabbit. I ran out to the backyard to see the rabbit duck behind the shed. I round the corner to see a giant gapping borrow behind my shed with the white rabbit looking smug at me. I felt the urge to chase the rabbit down the borrow. I dived in anticipating the borrow would be a smaller tunnel, but turned out to be a massive crater. I began to fall for what felt like an eternity. The borough just kept going further and further down…
Partway through my fall, a monitor began to fall at the same speed as me. The monitor, despite not being plugged, began to play a cinematic from World of Warcraft. A scene Blizzard teased at the start of their new World of Warcraft: Shadowlands expansion. Former Horde warchief Slyvanas Windrunner ventures to Icecrown Citadel to challenge the Lich King to a duel. She defeats him and pulls the Helm of Dominance off his head. With a tried last gasp, the Lich King claims that the power of the helm will be her prison. She immediately rips the helm in half, shattering the sky above the Citadel and creating an opening into a realm known as the Shadowlands. Just as the cinematic was about to end, the tunnel goes pitch black. I try to focus on how far I am falling but it becomes too much to keep my eyes open.
I awake in a dark cave with a black panther standing over me. His sharp yellow eyes piercing through the pitch black of the cave. It would have been perfectly camouflaged if it wasn’t happily bouncing up and down.
“Well, well, well,” the panther said, surprising me, “the Hatter has awakened from his slumber and finally returned to us. It is about time too, Azeroth is in grave danger and we need your assistance.”
“What,” I questioned, still dazed from my fall.
“You’re the famed Madd Hatter, steward hero of the lands,” the panther said without hesitation. Could he be referring to my first World of Warcraft character?
“The Madd Hatter isn’t real,” I said with an air of confusion, “he was just a video game character.”
“Mad as ever aren’t you, Hatter,” the panther grinned, “can’t even tell the difference between reality and illusions. To make matters worse you picked to terrible time to go mad. We are in the most dangerous part of the Shadowlands, the Maw. We must find a way to get you back to Azeroth.”
“Wait what?” I said bewildered, “Shadowlands, the Maw, Azeroth, none of this is real. I must have hit my head during that fall.”
“Well, whether you consider this fact or fiction, you must admit we need to leave this place, follow me.”
The panther took off down the dark tunnel. With a sense of dread surrounding me, I felt not following the friendly feline would be unwise. The tunnel seemed to stretch on for miles, becoming more cramped the further I traveled. I eventually saw a hint of light, but I was crawling on my stomach at that point. I squeezed out of the tunnel to reveal a sea of golden wheat fields as far as the eye could see.
“Welcome to Bastion, Hatter,” the panther said stepping out the tall grass, “seeing how your memory is not what it used to be, I should introduce myself. I am the Cheshire Cat, and I will be your guide through the Shadowlands.”
We continued to walk through the tall field until we reached a camp. These blue angels were merely sitting around doing nothing.
“Who are they?” I asked.
My new guide turned to me and said, “These are the Kyrian Aspirants, they shepherd souls to their roles within the Shadowlands.”
“Then should they be shepherding … something?”
The panther merely just smiled back at me.
“Oh, Hatter,” yelled one of the Kyrians, “could you provide us some assistance?”
“Um, sure,” I replied expecting to assist them with some grave matters, “what do you need?”
“Could you clean up our camp?” they replied nonchalantly.
“I am the supposed championed Hatter, according to you,” I said turning to my new companion, “why are they asking me to do simple chores?”
He could only smile and reply: “Simple, we are all mad here. You should know more than most.”
We cleaned up the camp and left so we weren’t asked to do more mindless chores. The golden fields soon began to resemble desolate graveyards. Mud, slime, and bones were as far as the eyes could see. The panther explained we had reached Maldraxxus, home of the five houses tasked with protecting the Bastion. Unfortunately, two of the houses had fallen like a house of cards, and the remaining knaves were fighting over the scraps. The panther and I were able to assist one of the fallen houses and vet out the traitor houses in a betrayal that belonged in Game of Thrones. Having discovered members of Maldraxxus were in league with the Maw, we venture out to discuss the matter with the Winter Queen.
We reached the Ardenweald, home of the Winter Queen, seeking an audience with her. We met some of the Night Fae who represented her. They appeared as magic pixie fairies that initially giggled at our request. They demanded we play games with them before we could speak with the Queen. They took us into the forest and forced us to navigate this lost forest-styled maze. Having blundered through the maze, we expressed our frustration with the fairies only for the Winter Queen to come around the corner with a disapproving look. After apologizing for being rude to her servants, we explained members of Maldraxxas were in league with the Maw. Concerned with my claims, she said we should venture to Revendreth to speak with Sire Denathrius about the manor.
We ventured to the gothic castles inhabiting Revendreth. The area looked like every goth’s wet dream with Poe-styled ravens and aristocratic vampires gawking around. We met up with Lord Chamberlain who escorted us to Sire Denathrius’s estate. We ventured in to see Denathrius had prepared a tea party for us.
“Oh, the famed Hatter,” the Sire remarked, “Welcome, I have so been looking forward to your arrival. Please come in and take a seat. You still enjoy tea don’t you, Hatter?”
My companion and I stepped in and took a seat. Something was definitely off; we could both feel it.
“So Maldraxxus is in league with the Maw,” remarked the Sire, “I can’t say I am surprised. Those ruffians will jump at any excuse to fight. They are probably in league with the rebels who have been plaguing Revendreth. It is such a shame that people cannot see how vital it is for everyone in the Shadowlands to properly play their roles. They must truly learn humility. No matter, we will expose everyone else who is in league with the Maw.”
I could immediately sense the insecurity. It was painfully obvious that he was also in league with the maw and was veining innocence. I knew I had to speak up before we got tasked with mindless busy work. I was tired of being a pawn in this grand game of chess.
“It’s you,” I cried out, “you’re in league with the Maw too. Come on, you’re so cartoonishly smug, that you are obviously in league with them.”
“A bold accusation, Hatter”, the Sire sneered, “No matter. I certainly can’t have you interfering with my plans, so enjoy the endless halls of Torghast, the Tower of the Damned.”
He immediately levitated me out of my seat and threw me through the red and black mirror along the sides of the room. I phased through the glass and found myself in some dark halls. Piles of bones, blackened furnaces, and endless chains decorated the hallways. Faceless ghosts wandered the halls looking to drain the life from me. Even though I didn’t appear to be in a cell, I still felt like a trapped prisoner within these walls. I was able to pick up tools to aid in my escape from this hellish place and was successful in climbing a few floors with some ease. It felt pretty good to outmatch these foes, but soon their foes became too much. It wasn’t long before I was overwhelmed by the phantasmal forces. All their hands were grabbing at me, ripping and pulling at my clothes. Their hands eventually covered my face and obscured my vision. As the darkness surrounded me, I could feel them pulling me deep into the abyss.
I finally awake seated around the allies I had gathered during my journey. They’re all laughing and cheering at my triumphs over tea. No ghostly force insight. Though I should have felt joyous something still felt … off. I looked down at my cup of tea to see it swirling. An image of myself sitting at my computer at home appeared in the cup. Despite the image being a little fuzzy, I could see myself playing World of Warcraft again. Not really excited or thrilled to be playing but content enough to be playing. Even though all the busy work questing and repetitive roguelike nature of the Tower of the Damned, it gave me the same warm feeling playing World of Warcraft again. The same feeling one would get from drinking their usual tea. I must be mad as a hatter to return to World of Warcraft, but what else could we do in this mad world. I contently took a sip of tea and began plotting our next moves against the Maw.