This article originally ran under a different banner/website in March of 2020 and is now being here re-uploaded for purposes of convenience and consolidation. Please enjoy.
In the first age. In the first battle. When disappointment in games grew, one stood. He chose the path of constant discontent. In his ravenous quest for exhilarating games, he found no peace. With his boiling blood, he scoured the internet seeking vengeance against the careless publisher who wronged so many. Those who would taste the bite of his angered words named him … The Doomsayer.
Tempered by the fires of rage, his iron will remain steadfast through his passage as he preyed upon mediocre games. He set forth without pity and hunted for games that would leave him satisfied. Unbreakable. Incorruptible. Unyielding. None could stand before lackluster titles but the way the Doomsayer does. For he alone would deliver the truth of hacked out software.
They knew he would come. As he always had; as he always will. To break and butcher new games he deemed unworthy. The Doomsayer sought to rid the world of subpar video games. So the minions of hell crafted Doom (2016). As the Doomsayer approached, despair swept before Hell, like a plague. They handed the new game to the Doomsayer. To their surprise, the Doomsayer was enthralled by the brutal combat. He was satisfied. Though his power grew.
Blinded with delight, he was at peace. The priests entombed him in a cursed game room. The mark of the Doomsayer was etched into the door. A warning to all that would attempt half-hearted gun combat in their games. There he would lie, waiting for a sequel to Doom (2016).
In the wake of the demon’s hubris, they created Doom Eternal. A game that would attempt to temper the fires that burned within the Doomsayer. They made it faster. Stronger. More chaotic. They boasted it would be bigger and better than Doom (2016). The Doomsayer soon broke free from his prison seeking this fabled game. Terror swept through hell as the Doomsayer walked towards the computer containing Doom Eternal. They knew if they had failed, the Doomsayer’s punishment would be swift and relentless.
The Doomsayer took notice of the additional story within Doom Eternal. Doom (2016) had harbored a rather basic story. Corporation unleashes Hell onto a Mars research base, and we would lay siege to these demons. He noted the attempt to build the lore of the Doom universe with the addition of the Sentinel race working with the demons to harvest the souls of man. While the kill-demons attitude was still present, he worried the story would be too assertive. While there continued to be long-winded monologues from characters, the Doomslayer’s continued silence allowed the Doomsayer to get involved with the story as much as he desired. While occasionally glancing at some of the histories of the Sentinels, the Doomsayer chose to focus on the famed combat.
The combat was just as savage and pulse-pounding as the Doomsayer remembered. In no time, he became the instrument of destruction that haunted the demons of Doom (2016). Weaving in and out of combat like a dancer. Quickly, pumping damage into his enemies to get them low enough to perform the infamous Glory Kills. He felt a change throughout Doom Eternal. The Doomsayer noted all the guns felt meatier. Every shot was followed by a deep and bellowing impact. Like the sound of a thousand fits striking the target in unison. The Doomsayer could feel the power of Doom Eternal’s guns coursing through his veins. He began to notice his heart beating to the rhythm of the soundtrack. He welcomed it; reveling in this new power.
He was slowly introduced to the additional gadgets Doom Eternal contained. He worried it would all be overwhelming, but with time, he was able to skillfully balance the new tools. He especially took fancy to the new ice bomb and the upgrade that made frozen enemies drop health packs. The newly designed chainsaw also had the Doomsayer smiling in delight. He had always adored the chainsaw in Doom (2016), but always felt discouraged from using it with its limited ammunition. Now with gun ammunition being scarce and charges of the chainsaw refilling over time, the Doomsayer was chainsawing imps and soldiers with sadistic glee. The Doomsayer was able to strike the perfect balance of glory kills for health, using the flamethrower to gain armor, and chainsawing enemies to refill ammo; allowing him to continue his rampage.
He also began to notice the strength of his new opponents. While he was allowed to relentlessly assault his enemies, he soon learned the enemies’ weak points. Shielded enemies could have their shield broken with the plasma rifle. Flying enemies were weaker to explosions. Enemies like the Revenant and Mancubus became walking health packs when the Doomsayer shot off his weaponry. The Doomsayer learned to take more precise shots like a well-timed instrument in a symphony, while still being an agent of destruction. His favorite trick of all was to use the super shotgun’s grappling hook, the Meathook, to slingshot himself towards the faster enemies, like the Whiplash or Prowler. He would then finish them off with the super shotgun’s devastating blow.
Using the Meathook, soon became the Doomsayer’s favorite way to get around the battlefield. However, he had many tools to perfectly time dipping in and out of the fray. He was still allowed a generous distance to close the gap between himself and an enemy that he glory kill. Equipped with a dash move and double jump, he was soon darting in and out of combat with ease. It reminded him of a combat flow that Control failed to capture. Combined with jump pads and monkey bars that he could swing off, the Doomsayer was darting around the battlefield like a whirlwind of bullets and saw blades.
However, his rage began to flare when he reached the platforming sections. He was asked to chain double jumps, dashes, and numerous floating platforms to cross the vast chasm. The Doomsayer did not feel these sections were poorly designed. He felt they had brought the high-octane pace of Doom Eternal to a screeching halt. He also felt the platforming had stretched out the levels making it impossible to backtrack and secret hunt. A shame, he thought as he enjoyed the varied range of colors and locations Doom Eternal took place in. While the demonic Hells and the ruined laboratories that were present in Doom (2016) returned, we were also given snowy peaks, futuristic angelic techno palaces, and a gothic home base in this sequel. It soon became hard for the Doomsayer to enjoy these environments as he attempted to perfectly time his dashes to avoid falling into the abyss. He joked asking if the swinging flaming chain was on loan from a Mario level. The joke could not hide his frustration though. He soon began to miss the more contained levels of Doom (2016). He also wondered if the less was more.
The minions of Hell began to quiver as the poor platforming got the best of the Doomsayer. They knew they would feel the sting of the Doomsayer’s ire if his displeasure continued. However, the Doomsayer’s annoyed frown grew into an almost emboldened smile as he fought the first boss. The Doomsayer was introduced to the Doom Hunter, an extinct race that hunted the Doomslayers. The priest had fused the remaining body with machinery to create a monstrosity of demonic flesh and hard steel. The Doomsayer was able to cut down the Doom Hunter’s shield and health while avoiding fire from the Doom Hunter and the additional minions of hell. He then jumped into a portal assuming it was his exit, but he was soon greeted by two additional Doom Hunters. The battle was chaotic but glorious. The rush was exactly to the Doomsayer’s liking.
The Doomsayer soon came upon the most famed and most hated minion within Hell’s army: the Marauder. He was immediately arrested by the fallen-Sentinels design the Marauder dawned. As the Doomsayer began the dance, he noticed how the Marauder was almost the perfect dance partner as he was able to match each step. Upon finishing the fight, the Doomsayer thought the Marauder was a worthy opponent. He did not recognize the concerns until he ran into the Marauder at later levels. He was mixed in with hordes of Hell Knights, Revenants, and other demons. The Marauder was clearly designed to be the queen of the chessboard, but the Doomsayer felt the Marauder had too many tools at his disposal. The Doomsayer commented he was truly the queen of the chess match, he would need to be tweaked. Maybe lose one of his tools or lose his hit point.
Nonetheless, the boss fights remained a rush of adrenaline for the Doomsayer. His favorite became the Gladiator fight. The monster’s shield was sporting a demonic face that was beyond his imagination. The chanting choir echoed through his ears even when the fight was over. The Doomsayer’s heart raced with every blow to his foe. As he smashed in the head of the demon, the Doomsayer sprung from his seat to yell at the top of his lungs: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!”
As the Doomsayer’s reach closed in on the end of Doom Eternal, he began realizing the rush that this game provided. After every level, the Doomsayer could feel his heart beating as fast as the music. He concluded that even though Doom Eternal might be sporting too many additions to the series, none of it was weighing down the game. Not even the platforming, while irritating at times, could not make Doom Eternal any less of a masterpiece of havoc. Exhausted by the rush of battle, the priests of hell were able to escort the Doomsayer back to his crypt. There he waits for the next game to not live up to the high expectations Doom Eternal has set. There he will lie. Even more in silent suffering. Waiting for the next installment of Doom.