Trap
I must confess, I was fully expecting to walk out of Trap wishing I had rewatched Deadpool & Wolverine. However, as the credits rolled, I was certainly glad I gave the film a chance, but ultimately feel like I can’t recommend this one. For those unaware, Trap is the latest film by the king of hit or miss, M. Night Shylaman, where a serial killer must play a game of cat and mouse with the police. Our serial killer, Cooper, is attending a pop concert with his daughter, only for him to realize the police are using the concert as a trap for him. All throughout the first half, Cooper must use sleight of hand or persuasion tricks to stay one step ahead of the police, and it is oddly satisfying. It’s like watching Jason Bourne’s evil twin at work. The second half introduces the rest of the family and does away with a lot of Cooper’s sly maneuvers. The wife is ultimately able to do him in off a simple mistake, which felt like witnessing a rogue in Dungeons and Dragons roll a natural one after a streak of natural 20 rolls. It feels bad in D&D, and it feels worse here. Save yourself from the mediocrity and watch any one of the better M. Night Shylaman films.
Eighth Grade (2018)
Another confession from yours truly: I am not the biggest fan of coming of age films. I find it difficult to watch someone make the same mistakes you made so many years ago. You just want to grab them by their shoulders and start yelling at them to stop banging their shins on the coffee table. The mean girl’s opinion doesn’t matter; the spoon isn’t real. Alas, I am duty bound to support creative minds no matter what paths they pursue. So naturally it led me to watching Bo Burnham’s directorial debut, Eighth Grade.
The story of Eighth Grade, revolves around our heroine, Kayla, an introverted teen trying to survive her last week of eighth grade. Throughout the movie, we get voice over from Kayla’s YouTube videos that often discuss being confident and believing in one self, but will also show Kayla struggling to heed her own advice. Revealing that having the knowledge doesn’t automatically fix your life; you need to go out and apply these lessons or teaching. It really drew me into Kayla as a character, which helped keep me invested in a story that’s ins’t really bringing anything new to the coming of age genre. Nonetheless, the writing and acting surrounding Kayla makes Eighth Grade a film worth seeking out.
The Goonies (1985)
Look, you don’t get to be a 40-year-old cult classic if you have nothing going on. I don’t really think I can add much to the discussion on this film, but the solid writing, directing and acting has made it a film that has aged like fine wine. The Goonies is just a fun, plucky action adventure movie with a lot of heart.
Cuckoo
Another victim of a trailer giving away too much of the movie. The premise of Cuckoo is an American family moves to a German resort that is secretly a breeding ground for some sort of … creature? The trailer contained lines about how it is human’s responsibility to ensure the survival of some species, and how cuckoo birds will place their eggs in the nest of other birds. Cuckoo certainly had the potential to be an interesting creature feature mixed with invasion of the body snatchers, but it doesn’t commit to either idea. The creature part doesn’t feel fleshed out, as they look like regular humans. They can make you experience déjà vu to entrap you for breeding purposes. They can throw up in your mouth to implant their young, but the camera never gets a good shot of this. The film also doesn’t dive deep enough into the idea of these creatures replacing you, only really touching on it as our main character’s parent focus less on her and more on an adopted younger sister. Alas, I say onto you my followers, when will these horror films take the time to flesh themselves out into truly terrifying films.
Natural Born Killers (1994)
My list of movies that seem to start strong and slowly sour as the movie goes on is a short list, but I am able to add another to that list with the addition of Natural Born Killers. I was initially on board with the film’s almost comic book style presentation as our film depicts the two leads, Mickey and Mallory, and how the two met. However, as the film went on, it seemed to focus more and more on their relationship and less about how the media glorified them, which was the film’s ultimate goal. I also can’t get on board with the film’s ending. I know Wayne, Robert Downey Jr.’s character, was basically a slimy journalist looking to just advance his career, but the guy helped you escape, and you just do him in. The film’s overall just fine, but not one I care to revisit.
Mid90s (2018)
Initially, I wasn’t sure if I was going to resonate with this film. I have only been to California a handful of times, and only as an adult. So a coming-of-age film in southern California just felt like a drop in the ocean of coming-of-age films. However, with the smart script from Jonah Hill, I was transported to the days when the neighbor kids and I would gather on our lawn to mess around. While Mid90s protagonist Steve and his friends were skating, rather than playing football, I was still able to get drawn in to the similarity between them and my own ragtag group of neighborhood friends. Despite taking thousands of miles away from my childhood home, Mid90s will always transport me back to those simpler times; this film is now my new gold standard for coming-of-age films.
Alien: Romulus
My loyal followers, please don’t let my opinion on Alien: Romulus lead you down a path of death and despair, but I thought this film was average at best. Yes, there are plenty of great moments like sneaking through a room full of Facehuggers or the final twenty minutes of the film, which I won’t spoil. However, beside a handful of these scenes, I wasn’t really into the film, and I place the blame squarely at the feet of the characters. Not a single one had me rooting for their survival. Every single character is a stock-standard disenfranchised young adult who wants to make it off the mining colony, not to chase any dream or achieve something great, but to simply not be slaves. The main character’s only real drive is to see a sunrise. Girl, you are thinking so small. Part way through, I started cheering for the androids. Yes, they were getting the humans killed, but at least they were invested in preserving their science project. When a movie, like Abigail, is taking the ten to fifteen to develop their characters, it shows we shouldn’t have to put up with generic stock horror movie characters we have seen time and time again. With news that they plan to continue the Romulus storyline, I long for a horror film that is able to draw us in with characters we hope can survive an attack from a Facehugger.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Shame. Shame upon all of you responsible for closing MTV films. With classics like Zoolander, The Jackass series, and Napoleon Dynamite, MTV Films helped create some of the most iconic movies of the early 2000s. I remember my young freshmen days when everyone was quoting the awkward yet hilarious quotes of the titular Napoleon Dynamite. Rewatching Napoleon Dynamite not only reminded me of the quirky comedy my generation has been known for, but was also a disheartening sign that small studios like MTV Productions will always be swallowed and chewed up by the bigger fish. For shame.
Borderlands
When rumors were circling the internet that the Borderlands film was worse than Madame Web, I made it my mission to sit through this movie. So I am here, standing atop my soapbox to say this is no way worse than Madame Web, but it is probably just as lazy. While the script doesn’t feel like it was sown together from three different screenplays, it definitely felt like someone scanned the Borderlands wiki and wrote the story in an afternoon by the pool. The cast wasn’t chosen by whom best embodied the character, but who had the most star power; that’s why comic relief Kevin Hart is miscast as the traditionally stoic Roland. Sloppy CGI that has become a cancer in the film industry. On top of it all, this film is too much of a coward to be the bloody, chaotic mess Borderlands is known for. Honestly, this film should have been much more violent and rated R. These safe PG-13 film are painful in every aspect. Alas, if Madame Web‘s a Frankenstein mess of a film, then this is just a lazy stoner on the couch putting in effort one could say is vacuous.
The Bling Ring (2013)
If you cannot tell I am a fan of A24, then you have not heard enough of my rant atop my soapbox. I don’t think all their movies are a hit, but I commend their hands-off approach to movie making, letting the creatives create, and finding efficient ways to market them. With my fondness for the studio, I figured I needed to watch one of their original, The Bling Ring. The film is about a group of young teens who break into wealthy celebrities’ homes. Taking advantage of social engineering, the gang would find out when a celebrity would be in New York, leaving their Los Angeles homes completely unguarded. They would justify these robberies by saying these celebrities have so much, they won’t miss a few objects, but unlike the heroic Robin Hood, they keep what they steal to sate their greed. My biggest issue with the film is none of the characters are remotely likeable. I understand that was probably the film’s goal to showcase their teens as bored and selfish, but it leaves the audience with nobody to root for. Leaving me only really able to suggest the movie to A24 fans, like myself, who want to see where the studio got their start. Not even an Emma Watson trying to play a more wild and promiscuous character will net the film a strong recommendation from me.
Thelma
After getting scammed out of her life savings, 93-year-old Thelma embarks on a mission to reclaim her stolen money and prove she can still be independent. While appearing on the surface to be a spoof on action movies like Mission Impossible, Thelma also tackles the challenges of getting older. The struggles of trying to remain independent, even when you know you’re reaching the age when you need some help. There’s also a great comparison on how we treat the elderly and young adults with kids gloves as they both struggle to navigate the world. With it being loosely based on a story about director, Josh Margolin’s real grandmother, it will feel both naturally funny and heartwarming at the same time; quite frankly, this film is better written than have of the slop that comes out of the big studios. Do not let this one pass you by.
Strange Darling
<Spoilers Ahead>
This may come as a bit of a shock, but I utterly cannot stand how the movie, Strange Darling, sets up its twist. The film is about a serial killer’s final moments over six chapters, but the movie attempts to channel Tarantino by having the chapters all out of order. Yet, this film fails to imitate Tarantino because early scenes are deliberately designed to play on your assumptions on gender. If your opening scene is a woman running from a guy with a gun, I don’t think it is unfair to assume she’s the victim. THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE SHOWED ME SO FAR. There’s a Star Wars-like text crawl in the beginning of the film that vaguely states this is the killer’s final moments. Throughout the whole movie, I keep saying to myself didn’t the opening text crawl use a “he” pronoun when referring to a killer. As the credits rolled, I looked up the text crawl to see that they never specified the killer’s gender, which just felt like a bait and switch. With the twist being the woman was the killer, the film seems built on making us form assumptions based on gender norms, and laughing in our sexist face when it is shown women can be killers too.
If you want an example of a twist that feels satisfying, look at the latest season of The Boys. The show leaves plenty of clues for someone to piece together that Butcher is imagining Kessler. It never shows Kessler interacting with someone else, only to pull the rug out from you and say Butcher imagined the all the interactions. Every scene is Butcher talking to an imaginary Kessler and everyone around him ignoring it. The Kessler twist feels like a twist that elevates the story, where as Strange Darling’s twist is designed to make you look sexist. I walked out of Strange Darling feeling it was preachy and nobody goes to the movies for a lecture. Tarantino, this is not.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Some movies are pure cheese. Three cheese fondue flowing out of a fountain like magma from a volcano. Big Trouble in Little China is like that infamous cheese pizza from a Goofy Movie. So rich and thick, that it makes the slice of pizza twice as long. Don’t take my words as blasphemous messages against the film, for I too love movies that have no thoughts behind its eyes and just want to have fun. Sure, some moments haven’t aged well, but there were significantly less of these moments than I assumed there would be. It certainly helps that the film makes Kurt Russell’s character, Jack, the butt of many jokes rather than any of the Asian characters. Big Trouble in Little China left me with a smile from ear to ear. If you want a movie that you can laugh at while eating nachos with a thick three cheese dip layered on top, then Big Trouble in Little China is for you.
Coraline (2009)
I admire the passion that goes into making a stop-motion film. To painstakingly move these clay characters to appear to give them life, just show the length some will go for their craft. As a fan of Henry Selick’s Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach, I had to get Coraline off my list of movies I haven’t seen. For those unaware, Coraline stars the titular Coraline as she discovers a hidden door to a dream-like version of her life. Much like Selick’s previous films, Coraline has a childlike wonder that I can’t help but adore. The world, Selick and writer Neil Gaiman created strikes the right balance of eerie and charming, perfect for both young and older fans of dark fantasy. I call upon the powers to be, to make more stop-motion films.